Gridlocked (on a dusty avenue)
by The Readers Muse
Summary: "What was that all about?" he demanded, nearly rebounding the smaller man right into the opposing wall as they collided around the curve of the basement door. Not exactly sure why he was following him in the first place other than the fact that he was shuddering with it. Fueled by that muted, burning little spark of something that was smoldering in the very heart of him.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own AMC's The Walking Dead or any of its characters, wishful thinking aside.

**Authors Note #1:** This is set directly after the scene in 5x15 when Michonne knocks Rick out after the fight with Pete. This fic is a Nicholas/Tobin fic and was inspired by the actions of Nicholas during the scene in question when Rick turns the gun on the crowd. I was very intrigued by the way it seemed like Nicholas' gut reaction was to stop Tobin from moving forward and draw him back – hand on his chest, then down to his arm – to a point where their hands actually tangled together. Considering Nicholas is a character that looks out for himself first, I was very interested in this 'instinctive' reaction and wanted to explore it further.

**Warnings:** Spoilers for 5x15, meant to fit in directly after the events of that episode. *****Contains: slash, oral sex, hand job, mutual masturbation, mild-power play, adult language, adult content, possible consent issues – mild dub con, references to a semi-established relationship, rough oral sex. With the finale in mind, the bulk of this was written before 5x16 where it was revealed that Tobin has a family. As such, this fic could technically be read two different ways. Either was it was intended, with Tobin being a single man in the ASZ. But it would also work if you read it from the perspective of Tobin having found himself in the position of committing an extramarital affair.

**Gridlocked (on a dusty avenue)**

_**Chapter One**_

"_When the evacuations started, T-Dog drove his church van to the home of every senior he knew just in case they needed a ride. He saved my ass a thousand times. He wasn't just a good guy. He was the best."_

"_Got bit closing the gate. If he hadn't done that…"_

"_It could have been Maggie. …It's wrong but… I'd trade any number of people for one of ours any day."_

* * *

"What was _that_ all about?" he demanded, nearly rebounding the smaller man right into the opposing wall as they collided around the curve of the basement door. Not exactly sure why he was following him in the first place other than the fact that he was shuddering with it. Fueled by that muted, burning little spark of _something _that was smoldering in the very heart of him.

_Desperate to know. Desperate to be right, or even wrong._

_Desperate to just have it out with him, once and for all. _

_Desperate to understand. Desperate to-_

"Get off me!" Nicholas growled, voice pitching at the end as the man slapped him off, angry but not quite meeting his eyes as the door that led up to the main part of the house – the side Nicholas and his son shared - slammed closed. "Christ, Tobin! You were there! What the hell did it look like? Captain America went awol. That's what fucking happened. I swear to god Aaron and Eric were out of their minds letting-"

Their fingers had brushed.

He remembered that much.

He knew because he'd had his hands out, palms up when Rick had drawn his gun and Nicholas had-well, he'd almost _grabbed_ it. The gesture a mess of mirrored callouses and honest concern. His skin remembered every inch of it. The unmistakable rasp of the man's inner palm sliding over his – dry heat on dry heat. It had prickled across the tiny hairs in a way he'd never experienced. The sensation itself had been conflicted, somewhere between pleasure and rage. It was masculine, adrenaline-soaked and affirming in the same way as it had been unapologetic and coarse. It was too much and not enough. Worst of all, it was something he didn't realized he was craving until the moment was over and the man was already pulling himself away – jerking and alert.

The sad part was that while he'd probably remember it until the day he died, Nicholas was already a hundred miles past it and here he was, clingin' to the dregs.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he returned firmly. Unwilling to let this one go as Nicholas's spine arched – affronted and cornered like an angry tom cat. It was such a far cry from the honest emotion that had been there only minutes before that the difference nearly gave him whiplash.

"What? Pulling you back? Stopping you from lumbering right into that psycho's face and getting yourself killed? What? You think I don't care now? That it?" Nicholas returned snidely, arms crossed. Spitting mad without any real reason as he was left scrabbling to understand the switch.

_He hated this._

_He hated feeling like this, like-_

"You made that pretty damn clear before you left for that cluster fuck of a run," he shot back, voice so hard he barely recognized the hurt the words were steeped in as they aired out – damning and close as Nicholas turned in surprise.

"What really happened out there, Nick?" he asked quietly, slow-cooking inside his jacket as the smaller man yanked on the frayed cuffs of his sleeves. Dipping his head low, the gesture just about as ill-timed as it could be as Nicholas opened his mouth, wrestling with a bunch of words that never quite made it to his lips.

"Ever since you got back you haven't been right," he challenged, rolling with it as the words came easier. Not giving his common sense the chance to catch up and trip him at the source as he followed the man around the curve of the pool table, hyper aware of the way stubby hands were gripping tight – ghost-white and strained – around the edge. "You can tell me, you know. You've trusted me before. None of that has changed."

"What do you want, Tobin?"

The silence was caustic – possible. Like the bitter aftertaste of heartburn spading up from an already abused throat. _What did he want?_ He figured he'd known the answer to that once. Before all this. Not just before the dead ones, but after. Back when he'd had a better handle on himself – on what he wanted - or maybe it was a worse one. These days he wasn't so sure. Ignorance had probably been bliss when it came to the tangled ball of _shit _he was currently trying his best to wade through.

The center of his chest throbbed. Still host to the warm weight of the hand Nicholas had flung out on the street. Spreading out like living tendrils. Like the embodiment of a reminder he didn't really need. But didn't know how to say. It was the reason why he was here. The reason why he'd followed the grumpy asshole halfway across the god damned town when everyone else was gathering in the center square.

The words were there. Teetering and real before he swallowed them, thinking better of it. He shook his head, uncertain. Wanting nothing more than to just lie. To say something easy. Something that would let them both off the hook. Something that would lessen the vice in his chest rather than ratchet it up another notch.

But the truth was, he'd never been very good at lying. Guile, even for the best of reasons, just wasn't something he had in him. Some people though, like Nicholas, took to it naturally. Slipping into it like a second skin whenever it suited them. Whenever it was to their advantage, or even just convenient.

But not him - _never him_.

He wasn't that lucky.

He didn't realize the man had moved until he was pushing off from the wall, closing the space between with a wide-legged sway that had him immediately on the defensive. Retreating automatically – instinctively – as Nicholas prowled forward.

"I know what you want," Nicholas breathed, rough in that way he hadn't realized he liked until the man had first come onto him all those months ago, crowding him into a dark corner of the watch tower and turning off his brain with his tongue.

The breath of air he expelled was shaky, more of a huff than anything. Self-depreciating and almost impotent as he ran a hand through his hair. Watching the man through shuttered lids as something in him gave. Letting himself be hunted as Nicholas advanced around the bend of the table.

"Glad one of us does…"

Nicholas' grin was all teeth and no warmth.

But his dick firmed up all the same.

_Pavlovian response._

"What, you think I don't know you by now?" Nicholas demanded, voice gravel-low and darkly alluring as his shoulders kissed the white-wash. Feeling the chill of the wall at his back as the smaller man looked him over – up and down with an appreciative smirk that once upon a time might have had his ego on point. Back before the world had trampled him flat and left him wanting – coiling and restless inside his own skin. Wrestling with the distinct impression that there was something he was missing every time he settled into yet another doomed relationship with a lovely, well-meaning woman who saw potential behind all that restless shyness and willingness to sacrifice his own happiness more often than he probably should.

"You're too selfless for your own good. You know that?" Nicholas continued, throaty and rough as a fission of warmth trickled down his spine. Feeling every inch as the smaller man pressed up against him – somewhere between a threat and a promise as surprisingly strong hands followed the slope of his shoulders. Feeling him out, just like he always did, even as his hands hung limp at his sides, twitching.

He knew better than to touch.

_Better than to try._

That was the first lesson Nicholas had taught him.

"You volunteer for runs. Duty assignments. You give up the first position of power Deanna tosses at you just because you finally grew a brain and started thinking about your own hide, for once," Nicholas jeered, eyes hard. Reflecting in the lighted dark of the basement as somewhere outside a chorus of angry voices rose and fell from the direction of the center square.

"Looking out for yourself doesn't make you a bad person, Tobin. It makes you a person. A living, breathing person. A survivor. Sure as hell beats the alternative, don't you think?" Nicholas uttered, relentless, distracting him with the hard press of his palm as he forced his shoulders back against the wall – reminding him where he wanted him before taking a step back. Ignoring his jacket in favor of making short work of his checkered button-up.

He sucked in a shuddering breath when Nicholas' fingers raked through the soft down that crowned his stomach. Coasting through the dark brown hairs before tracing the waistband of his jeans with a confidence that – not for the first time - had him struggling between what he wanted and what he was comfortable giving up as the man's hardness throbbed into the crux of his groin.

He bit his lip, chewing down a curse. Almost pathetically grateful for it when the man ground up against him, not quite able to muffle a groan of his own. Rubbing him through his jeans and clawing desperately at his side as Nicholas arranged the jut of his hip the way he wanted and went to town. Hissing at the friction the same time as that clever little hand worked him through his jeans. Cupping and rolling until he was jerking into the man's palm.

_Nicholas wanted it too. _

_Wanted him._

_Funny how that fact calmed him nowadays._

The first time he hadn't been sure. It had been so quick, alley-dirty and furtive. Leaving him reeling, limp-dicked and pants around his ankles. Trying to figure out what the hell had just happened while Nicholas was nothing but dust in the wind. Nearly getting him caught as Olivia started down the pantry stairs with a load of boxes, startling him into action.

He hadn't known what to think. _What to do._ How to react to the thousand and one emotions that'd followed getting slammed into a wall and having his brain sucked right out his dick. He'd only flagged him down in passing, wanting to trade a duty rotation so that he could meet Steve, Barry and Francine for poker night. But before he could really register the switch the man was on his knees and barking orders at him like some sort of drill sergeant.

_He'd never- well._

_He hadn't said no, though._

_He'd never told him to stop._

Hell, he still didn't know if the man was some sort of sadist - getting his ya-ya's from tearing someone's orgasm clear out of them - or if the first couple of times he'd just come in his pants. All he knew was that every time they did this, the rules the man had set down in the beginning blurred just a little bit more.

"You think Rick, Abraham and all their little friends are any different?" Nicholas demanded, tugging pointedly on his belt buckle – exaggerating the jingle of metal on metal as his dick throbbed at the tell.

"I know they are," he grated, gritting his teeth as the man squeezed him hard through his jeans, yanking the zipper down with a brutally dry sounding rasp. "Abraham proved that much in the construction yard, he-"

"I don't give a shit what he did. When the chips are down, when you're down to the last bottle of water, last chance of food, last everything. They will bury each and every one of us to save them and theirs," Nicholas growled, whipping his belt clear out of the loops as blunt fingers dug punishingly into his hips. "They are still alive, they survived out there, in this. What do you think that says about them? About how far they are willing to go to keep breathing?!"

He got distracted when the man pulled down his jeans and mouthed at the tent of his briefs. Dampening the cotton with tentative little licks that had him squirming as the fabric started to stick.

"This isn't-isn't about them. It is about me," he started, breathing already uneven. "I-I know who I am. Who I want to be. Who I am trying to be."

"Bullshit! You barely know what's happening inside your own head and you think that line will work on me?" Nicholas bit off, using his thumbs to ease under the elastic of his briefs. Looking up at him through drooping lashes as his breathing hitched at the sight. "I am not here for your sentiment, Tobin. Save that for Deanna, save it for someone who cares."

"Then what are you here for?" he snapped, biting down on his fist as his dick met the open air, twitching and jerking with a strand of pre-cum drooling eagerly from the fat tip as Nicholas crooned – deep-throated and low – in appreciation.

_Oh god._

* * *

**A/N #1: **Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think! Reviews and constructive critiquing are love! – There will be one more chapter, stay tuned.

**Reference:** Thank you to gunslingerdixon for providing the dialogue between Glenn and Hershel in "Say the Word" to set the stage for this two-shot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own AMC's The Walking Dead or any of its characters, wishful thinking aside.

**Authors Note #1:** This is set directly after the scene in 5x15 when Michonne knocks Rick out after the fight with Pete. This fic is a Nicholas/Tobin fic and was inspired by the actions of Nicholas during the scene in question when Rick turns the gun on the crowd. Please see original chapter for all the details and an extended a/n.

**Warnings:** Spoilers for 5x15, meant to fit in directly after the events of that episode. *****Contains: slash, oral sex, hand job, mutual masturbation, mild-power play, adult language, adult content, possible consent issues – mild dub con, references to a semi-established relationship, rough oral sex. – Please see original chapter for a complete list of warnings.

**Gridlocked (on a dusty avenue)**

_**Chapter Two**_

"You talk a lot of smack for someone that barely makes it up to my god damned elbow. Even when you aren't on your knees," he sent, off-kilter as Nicholas cupped his sack roughly, pulling him free. Feeling the uncommon urge to wound, to abuse with the curt edge of his tongue even as the man did something filthy with his own. Setting his teeth into the vulnerable inner of his thigh and clipping his foreskin in the process as he tried and failed to mute his yell into the curl of his fist.

"What do you want?" Nicholas breathed, ignoring him cleanly, licking a messy stripe down his cock as he looked up at him. Baring the pale span of his throat – freckles and all – to his hungry gaze. "Tell me."

His dick throbbed, so turned on he could cry as the crown of him strained up through his foreskin. Painfully hard as his hips wobbled, thrusting minutely into the man's fist while Nicholas kept him there. Giving him only enough friction to frustrate himself as the command lingered – insistent.

_What did he want?_

_What did he want?_

_What did he want?_

"Nicholas," he gasped, desperate for it. Struggling with himself in more ways than one as clever hands twisted feather-light around the purpling head. "I don't-"

"Don't lie to me," the man growled, fingers digging painfully into his thigh – grounding and bright as a zing of an entirely different sort of pleasure rocked through him. "You can lie to them. Hell, they're all so stupid they'd probably believe it. But not to me. You can't lie to me."

"So, I'll ask you again, what to do you want, Tobin?"

He licked his lips, chapped and dry as Nicholas traced a thumb around the ridge of his cock, detouring around the flared head as pre-cum started trickling down the shaft. Half certain he was going to die if the man didn't do _something_. "I-"

"What. Do. You. Want?" Nicholas growled, each syllable punctuated by a gut-clenching spike of pleasure and pain as the world narrowed. Reducing itself to faded shades and baser scents as a sheen of sweat glistened at the man's temples. Proof enough that he wasn't the only one affected despite the power Nicholas had over him. Despite the power he was _letting_ the man abuse as he quivered into his touch. Watching without really seeing as the man bathed his cock in a series of light, kittenish licks that had him five seconds from crawling out of his god damned skin. Five seconds from-

"Fucking Christ, just- _you!_" he yelled, the words coming out in a half-sob as whatever self-control he'd been holding onto crumbled into nothing. Simultaneously light and heavy now that the truth of it had been so brutally dragged into the open. "You! Alright!?"

His hands flared out, tensing and releasing in the air above Nicholas's head as the man put him out of his misery and being sucking him off in earnest. Not quite brave enough to touch as the flare of the man's tongue – dipping down to tease his sack before darting back up again – dragged a grunt out of him.

"Oh god," he muttered, hips working in a series of muted, polite little thrusts until he realized that the man was_ letting_ him. Using the resulting closeness to grind into the muscled curve of his calf as they chased their pleasure together for the first time.

He clawed at empty air when Nicholas pulled off, making a needy sound in the back of his throat as the man looked him over, dark eyes slitted. Rumpled and high with it as two points of color glowed red across the span of his cheeks.

"If you're lucky, someday I might even let you fuck me," he whispered hoarsely. Pushing back sweaty hair only just threatening to curl. Jarring him with the sudden switch as his cock blurted out a trickle of pre-cum. Too far gone to care that he was in danger of going off before they'd even really started as the man eyed him wickedly.

"Or maybe you'd like it the other way around?" Nicholas continued, running a slick finger down his inner thigh, dangerously close to the crease of him before dipping back down to tug at his sack. Calloused pads sliding roughly across velvet soft skin as his mouth fell open – wordless. "You seem to like it when I lead you around, don'tcha?"

"Big guy, with a big dick to match. Probably got it a lot with the women, didn't you?" Nicholas rasped, sucking delicately at the very tip of him before swirling his tongue around the crown. "Bet they wanted you to man handle 'em a bit, just like they read about in those shitty novels under the high school bleachers. Let them know who was in charge or some shit. Never really thinking about you. About what you wanted. _What you needed_."

"I can give that to you...all of it. You wouldn't regret it, I promise," the man thrummed huskily, transmitting the vibrations of it as he anchored his hands around the curve of his ass and swallowed deep.

He lost it.

_Whimpering. _

Hand slapping out against the wall before-

"Oh Christ! I-_Nick_.. Nick, I'm gonna-"

He didn't even bother muffling his yell. Only just realizing that somewhere along the line his hand had buried itself deep in the man's curls, wavering into it as the world hazed out and pleasure ushered itself in. The euphoria was like nothing else. It was like living for the first time. Like _actually_ living for the first time in over forty years, not just making do.

The blunt of his free hand fisted against the corner of the wall as he thrust forward, strong and unthinking into that gorgeous wet heat. Desperate for a handhold as his knees threatened to buckle. The action heightened and filthy as he felt Nicholas swallow around him. _Once. Twice. And again._ Seizing lazily at the new sensation as the man took it all, drawing it out until he leaned into the press of his groin, breathing ragged. Nosing at the crease of him as his free hand worked frantically inside his pants. Finishing himself off with a shattered cry before uncoiling at his feet – momentarily lost to it.

It was a vulnerability he'd never expected.

In truth, it was a whole series of them. Nicholas had never- not once, not before, not-

And hell if it didn't feel like some sort of messed up gift.

Everything that'd happened since that first time had felt like two steps past impossible.

But this? _Jesus._ This felt dangerously close to coming full circle.

"Easy sell today," Nicholas commented after a smattering of beats, only slightly breathless. Almost fond in his own sort of way as he wiped his mouth and pulled himself to his feet. Doing a reasonably good job at pretending he hadn't just been sucking cock like it was his job. Fixing him with an inky, inscrutable look as he shook off the hand half curled around his shoulder.

He was still waiting for the reprimand. For a reminder of the rules the man had set down that first afternoon. But instead, he was surprised when Nicholas shuffled close. Looking almost like he was about to embrace him before his body language switched and he was suddenly pressing him back against the wall. Keeping him there as they breathed in each other's air. Chests rising and falling – almost in sync – until dark hazel eyes seemed to soften a fraction.

For one completely terrifying moment, he thought the man was going to kiss him. He was thinking about it. He could tell that much. Both of them were. It was all there. There in the way the man kept eying his lips. Licking along his own indecisively as the slick of pooling cum had their cocks gliding enticingly – free-range and easy.

But it was only when a sudden sound issued from upstairs that the man seemed to think better of it. Instead choosing to lean in and whisper. Slicking his thumb along the soft wet of his prick, petting him gently as he shivered – overstimulated.

"I make no excuse for myself. I know who I am. I know what I've done. What I've had to do, what I'll _continue_ doing if I have to. If it's the price I have to pay to keep my son safe, myself safe, the people I care about still breathing then _hell_ if I won't pay every cent of it," Nicholas murmured, thin lips curling. Crowding him as calloused hands raked down his scalp - needlepoint and harsh like a punishment.

The act was unveiled aggression colored with the hind end of a threat, but it made his sated prick jerk weakly against his thigh all the same. Forcing him to bite down on a whimper as his entire body hummed with pleasure. Oversensitive but still greedy for it as Nicholas' teeth grazed the soft of his throat.

"So don't you judge me, Tobin. Don't you _dare_ judge me."

He got stuck on the meaning, on the real crux of it right around the time that the man threw up his hands in frustration – maybe even disgust – and turned his back on him. Leaving him cold and stupid with the sudden change as the man yanked up his dirty jeans and zipped himself up.

"And-and that includes me?" he remarked slowly, more of a statement than a question as Nicholas's gait hitched in the doorway, stilling for a beat as the curve of his spine hunched low –_ protective_ – before straightening. Determinedly not looking at him.

"Apparently!" Nicholas snarled, stalking off around the corner and out of sight. Giving him the sudden but very distinct impression that he wasn't the only one that didn't know what the _hell_ he was doing.

He leaned heavily against the wall. Loose legged and pleasure-wrecked. Still coming down as he closed his eyes and tried to school his breathing. Allowing himself to savor it, just this once, as Nicholas' words slung back around. Unable to stop himself from wondering, as he tried not to chase the man's taste around in his mouth, if that was necessarily a good or a bad thing.

* * *

**A/N #1: **Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think! Reviews and constructive critiquing are love! – This story is now complete.


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